Tuesday

This job is crushing my soul….I’ve got to pull myself out of this rented mental porta potty. It’s draining me. It would be so different if business would pick up and I was super busy but it’s NOT. I’m a hustler baby, I love to hustle and get work done. So this is really a struggle.

I’ve tried writing poems several times but I’m just not feeling inspired. With the five guys I share the office with, they’re either singing Nickelback songs or talking about video games. Like right this second, they’re arguing about Doug looking just like the orangutan “Maurice” from Planet Of The Apes. I mean they’re serious too.

It’s distracting and annoying. But how can I tell them to shut the fuck up because I’m over here trying to do my own personal writing? Besides, they’re soooooo nosy. The would want to read what I write. I can’t have that.

I’m afraid they’re tarnishing my attitude about men. I spend so much time here with them….Now when I look at other men I just get angry thinking they’re part of the “Work Man Gang” here. Shaking my head…..I have issues right?

I guess I’ll just play solitaire and look into taking some classes here on line. I’m so ready for Friday…

Why Are They Talking To Me?

Men at work…. No, NOT the amazing band.

I’m talking about the five men I share an office with. Granted, it’s a large room. But they’re still trying to talk to me. If you’ve read my previous post….. https://lennonliberated.com/2020/02/14/incomplete/ you know that these men annoy, disrupt and badger the fuck out of me.

Let me introduce you to them. Keep in mind these names are fictional as I can’t afford to share their identity for obvious reasons….

Doug / Characterization: Pasty white, irish, geeky, weed smoker, thinks he can sing yet a brilliant mind that knows numbers. Obsessed with roosters and chickens. Brings baby chicks to work in a box with a heat lamp, food and water and sells them from his desk to co-workers often. Paces with a baby chick in his arms while crunching loudly on whatever he can put in his mouth and doesn’t wash his hands.

Jazzy / Characterization: A husky ginger that lives for sports, soda, junk food, has OCD issues, thinks he knows everything, I mean ERRR-THANG. Noses around everyone’s desks and then tells us how to organize our desks although his desk looks like a hoarder’s haven.

Heart / Characterization: Short, muscular, Ex-Marine, drives giant truck, constantly reminds us all that he makes the big bucks, can’t understand basic math. Ego the size of Alaska.

Reptile / Characterization: Ex-Cop, parks sideways because he still likes to show authority, flashes the old badge every now and then assuming he has jurisdiction in the office. Cannot hear well. Shuffles around mumbling to himself like Ozzy Osbourne.

SS / Characterization: Has only been here two weeks and is besties with Doug. He is the clone of said Doug. Very opinionated, talks nonstop, constantly judging our selection of music. Wiseass.

So there you have it. It’s A LOT isn’t it?

Now it wouldn’t be fair for me to go over what aggravates me about them without telling you about my imperfect characterizations now would it?

  • Quiet
  • Resting bitch face
  • Sarcastic
  • Looks to be dead inside
  • One day a week forces everyone to listen to Taylor Swift or Billie Eilish for 7 hours
  • When I’m not quiet talks about cats

Much obliged for anyone getting through this rant by the way. XO

Twitter

Pathetic….

Not Twitter of course. But now that I’ve set up an account there, it feels like I’m all alone on my own little island. I’m like the new kid on the first day of school. There’s no one there to talk to or to laugh with. I’ve tried making new friends there but I suppose I’m just not one of the cool epic kids.

So, you know where I’m going with this right? If you’re on Twitter and want to be my friend, follow me and of course I’ll follow back. Throw me a bone? 🙂

My Introduction To The Kickstand

I’m talking about my first siting of a cock…..

I know. This probably isn’t what you wanted to read first thing on a Sunday morning while drinking your coffee on the veranda. I just wanted to make sure the first line was self explanatory so that you could exit out of this and move on to something more suiting for your mood?

Simma the fuck down…..this is actually a pretty funny story so if you’re still with me?

It was 1989 and I was the only 17 year old on earth that was still a virgin (in my eyes). Bet you didn’t see that coming did you? Most people that know me are always shocked that I waited until it was right. That’s a story in itself. And Yes, I was a good girl once. Ha.

Anyway, I was working at a collection agency after school from 3 pm – 10 pm. This particular night I was alone locked in the office. I can remember it was October and a perfect fall evening. At my desk it faced a window which was slightly open so that I could listen to the crispy leaves rustling around outside. There’s no love like my love for fall.

As I dialed number by number hoping to reach a past due client it was dark outside. I couldn’t see the leaves whirling around under the magnolia tree. Occasionally I would see headlights…..It couldn’t hear the leaves rustling. There was an eerie calming quietness as I listened to the constant ring every few seconds on the line.

Another person not home, great. I hung the phone up frustrated because I had a goal to reach by Friday. Deep in my thoughts and debating who to call next I heard a bizarre sound.

Thump….Thump….it continued. Where was it coming from? It was close. Thump….Thump….now heavy breathing….

What the fuck is it?

I was so close and is it coming from the window that I’m facing only 30″ away? I leaned forward to look out the window.

HOLY FUCK!!!!

There it was. A huge PENIS….DICK….COCK….DISCO STICK…..KICKSTAND….ROD beating off on the screen to my open window right in my fucking face!

I let out the loudest fucking scream ever. You would’ve thought Freddy Krueger was chasing me with his sharp death grip fingers the way I screamed. I jumped out of my office chair and immediately called 911. He continued to beat off panting and making the most disgusting groaning noises as I was trying to explain to the 911 operator the seriousness of what was happening she began laughing hysterically but in between choking with laughter she assured me “The police are on the way Darlin'” in her deep southern raspy smoker’s voice. I hung up the phone and then grabbed the umbrella leaning against the coat rack and charged out the front door to beat the living fuck out of him but all I saw was the back end of his trench coat flapping in the wind as he ran towards the highway.

“Yeah that’s right Mother Fucker, you better run!!!”

As the cops pulled up my adrenaline was racing. My breathing was fast and deep as I couldn’t speak I just kept pointing in the direction he ran off in…..they kept asking me what happened and as I finally calmed myself and my breathing was under control I explained and of course they doubled over laughing at my horrid discovery of this sick fuck beating off to my face in the open window.

They didn’t catch him of course. They were too busy trying to regain their composure after the laugh fest they had over my fuck storm.

So, there you are. This was how I was introduced to a cock for the first time. Not necessarily the plan I had but now looking back….It’s a hilarious story don’t you think?

Nice To Meet Ya

I’m a firm believer in supporting other women in the material handling / industrial equipment business. I feel that here in the south, it’s a male dominated business. It’s not that I have an issue with the unlimited amount of testosterone and masculinity…It’s actually when particular males have the combination of massive ego’s sprinkled with arrogance and ostentation. Forgive me, these traits can also be found in women as well. I’m not a feminist by all means. I love men. Where am I going with this rant?

I had an interview a couple of weeks ago. It was with another material handling business. A competitor of the company I currently work for. I have over ten years experience in the position they were hiring for. I perform 95% of what the position responsibilities are for that role. I also train people for the software that they currently have at their dealership. Maybe I sound conceited but I honestly thought that I would receive an offer. Unfortunately, I thought wrong.

There were two people interviewing me. A Service Manager (Male) as well as a Major Account Coordinator (Female). I was super excited to see the female Major Account Coordinator in the interview. Being a female I thought to myself “My people! Another female representin’!!! OMG, another chic, how fucking cool is this?”

It was a typical interview….

  • What are your strengths?
  • Weaknesses?
  • Let’s say you have an irate customer on the phone with an invoice issue, how do you handle that customer?
  • You’re limited on the amount of technician’s you have working today and a customer needs service ASAP, what do you do?

I felt that I answered each question/scenario well with making eye contact and smiling. I was confident yet eager to learn more about the position. I asked questions and expressed how impressed I was with the company’s website and mentioned a few things in detail that I absorbed in studying their company. I asked what they enjoyed about their positions with the company. When she explained her position and her experience I was blown away. She had experience in Rentals, Parts, Service, and Sales. I complimented her and voiced to the service manager how much of an asset she is to his branch. All in all, I thought it went fantastic. I followed up with a thank you letter via e-mail.

Two days later I received the rejection letter. It was just a generic letter stating they chose someone with more experience. I was shocked and felt completely defeated. I kept thinking to myself “What the fuck did I say in that interview?” I kept retracing and analyzing the entire conversation in my mind. “I shouldn’t have said that.” “What did I say my weaknesses were?” Shaking my head over and over again, doubting myself. A million things running through my mind for days like how I’m inadequate, mediocre, lacking, etc. Rejection is a bitch isn’t it?

I got a phone call from an old co-worker yesterday. He wanted to catch up and tell me that he’s working somewhere new. Want to take a guess where he’s working at? Yes, you are correct, at the place I just had the interview at. Wait. He didn’t get the position I was applying for. He’s a technician there and has been there for about six months. He said he overheard a conversation with the female Major Account Coordinator and another technician. It went something like this…

“Lennon was a huge threat. The blonde hair, blue eyes, tons of experience, she even knew our software. For fuck’s sake, she was explaining how most forklift water pumps don’t come as an assembly but that you have to purchase the gasket separately. How could I compete with that? There’s no way I would allow him to hire her. She would take my job or any other female’s job here. All eyes would be on her. So I told ______ no way would I approve her coming on board.”

My heart sunk. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me when my old friend told me that he overheard that conversation. My mind screamed “Fuuuuuuucccckkkk! Really?”

She didn’t even give me a chance. If she knew me or even got to know me she would’ve realized that I’m that ride or die girl that will have your back no matter what. I would’ve supported her and the rest of the women. I would’ve had their backs and even became their confidante. I just wanted to be a Major Account Coordinator. I didn’t want to be the boss. I would be no threat at all.

Previous supervisors, management, and owners of businesses I’ve worked for have disclosed to me that I intimidate people. And it’s not just women. They’ve told me that I intimidate men as well. How? How do I intimidate people? That’s not my intentions at all. I just don’t get it. Is it because I’m confident? Because I smile? That I’m experienced in my profession? What do looks have anything to do with it???

I wanted to communicate or vent how it made me feel here on my blog. The best way to do that is to share this song with you that came to mind instantly….

Yep, I’m just what I wanna be most of the time. I’m confident. Yes, I have insecurities but I try to just ignore them. I guess the confident smile scares some people. That’s Okay, I’ll recover, develop and rise again. This time I will attempt to win an Oscar by faking meekness with a little timidness yet offer my experience and knowledge. I’ll try not to smile so much. I just felt so comfortable and at ease with both of them. I’m sad that I was way off on what I felt. But, lesson learned. That’s the thing….We need to take a step back sometimes and do the diligence of self improvement as hard as it is to admit. I am a work in progress and will continue to grow no matter what.

Connection

If I could steal the sadness, I would;

I know what you’ve withstood.

Our universal connection is perfection.

Evidence shows that you’re enough.

Don’t waste your tears on the fucked up painful stuff.

You constantly tell me you’re a mess.

Yet, you’re stunning nevertheless.

Enduring this affliction;  

Your pain is nonfiction.

Serving an eviction notice…

Those mindless demons are ferocious.

Living with regret;

Doesn’t help you forget.

Can’t you see that you’re not secondary?

Let my devotion be your sanctuary.

Share your fears because I’m here for years.

Offering friendship as deep as a quarry;

Finish telling me your story.

I wrote the above poem just a few minutes ago. It’s about my best friend. It’s probably strange to some people that I’ve never met her in person. We have this rare connection. I believe it’s because we share our deepest and darkest thoughts with each other. I can tell her anything, I mean ANYTHING. She doesn’t judge me and she is my friend unconditionally. One day I do hope to meet her in person. Until then… e-mail, WP, texting, etc. will just have to work for us. I’ll take it and whatever else I can get from her.

She doesn’t see what I see in herself. I see so much exquisiteness. It shines through her words, the way she accepts me and her talents. Of course, there’s her beautiful face. She’s extremely private but I wanted to just show her my appreciation for her friendship and let her know how she inspires me and makes me feel like I’m somebody. If you would like to meet my best friend, go check out her blog…. https://whatsandrathinks.com/about/