Three Guys

Today the sun is shining, birds are singing, butterflies are swishing their delicate wings, the forklifts in our shop are spitting out fumes and beeping as they drive by my office window. The Covid-19 is still thriving and spreading like wildfire creating havoc……

I’m electing to be positive and energetic today. Instead of five guys in this confined office space we’re down to three guys. With the “Rona” virus still being active the owners have finally decided to limit the amount of employees in the building. Who cares that the three guys are blaring and singing “The Devil Went Down to Georgia”. I’ve not seen or heard any of the baby man cars speeding through the office and that in itself is something to be giddy about.

Sometimes I can’t stand these guys but other times I’m appreciative of their straight forward personalities. There’s something about honest people. They’re authentic. Each one of the five guys bring special attributes to their positions here.

This will sound insane but I actually miss the other two guys that are off today. I know I criticize them a lot but all in all I couldn’t do what I do without THEM. No one’s perfect right? Myself included.

In the last few weeks I’ve been a bratty bitch. I just think all of the stress of the Covid-19, media, etc. has created tension in my mind. It’s just ruined my mood lately. Hasn’t it for everyone? I can’t imagine being a nurse or a doctor. I pray for them every day. But unfortunately, I take it out on these guys. They’re not completely innocent either though.

I’m just happy that we know each other well enough to apologize and move on from it. Each of us are forgiving and don’t hold a grudge for too long.

Here’s to hoping that Monday isn’t being a little bratty bitch to you… XO

Five Guys

I’m irrifuckintated……

If you’re not familiar with my work environment from one of my previous posts, I share a small office which is the equivalent of a very small studio apartment with Five Guys. And just so you know, this is a selfish rant. I know what you’re thinking. It could be so much worse. I could be a nurse or a doctor in a hospital dealing with the COVID-19. I respect them so much for risking everything to help others. But I need to vent sometimes so humor me and thank you for reading?

Although we should be working from home the owner’s here are making us come into the office. With that being said, it’s extremely sloooooooow here. In my opinion this business is not essential. We’re not healthcare workers, a grocery business or a logistics/transportation/trucking business. Since it’s very slow here this leads to a lot of unnecessary verbal fuckery.

Exhibit A: The man babies bring their R/C trucks and cars to the office and have competitions. No, don’t mind me standing at the copier in my cute strappy open toed black heels as a stupid baby man car hits my foot. Needless to say I kicked the fuck out of that $300 piece of shit baby man car. If you’re unsure of what I’m referring to, here’s an image of what I’m talking about…

Exhibit B: A competition of who has the smelliest fart….No words. You can imagine how damn disgusting that is for me???

Exhibit C: Inventing things like an extra gas tank on the back of a motor cycle. Are you intrigued? I’m not. I know this could probably blow one of them up instantly….shaking my fucking head.

Exhibit D: Bickering constantly. Today’s argument is who would you rather? I’m sure you’re thinking This subject could be fun. I don’t think it’s a surprise that most people have that celebrity crush that if could be with that crush, you would right?

Nope, the Five Guys are using the Golden Girls to choose from. Sick fuckers.

So, that’s what I’m struggling with day to day here. I do love each of them. I just don’t like them sometimes.

Thanks for stopping by and allowing me to rant a little.


Come At Me Bruh

It was 1999 and my confidante in the office wasn’t herself. She was on edge and I could tell she had been crying. As she handed me the file I had requested, her hand shook. I made eye contact and gave her our signal to go to our favorite private spot away from the guys in the office to have some girl talk.

“Why have you been crying? Are you Okay?”

Morgan replied “I’ll be fine. It’s just Warren. You know how he can be. He’s angry with me right now because I forgot to close the garage door last night before we went to sleep.”

“Is he just upset or is he super angry like threatening you?”

“Well……I don’t want to involve you and it’s not that big of a deal.”

“If he’s threatening you or going to hurt you, it is a big deal, tell me.”

She started crying really hard at this point and as her voice shook and she was trying to catch her breath, “Yes, he’s threatening me. He’s actually on his way up here now and said he’s going to kill me.”

I calmly hugged her as tight as I could and told her that he was not going to touch her. I grabbed her hand and we walked back into the office. I guided her to the bathroom and told her to wash her face and try to calm herself while I handled it.

“You’re not going to call the cops are you? Please don’t call the cops, he’ll really hurt me if the cops come.”

“I’ve got this, wash your face, blow your nose.”

I dialed 911 as fast as I could and explained the situation calmly and rationally. After they got the address I hung up and attempted to rally “the troops” (guys that we worked with) and little did I know, there were no troops. They all ran for cover. One actually closed his shop door and bolted it. Another guy slammed the metal roll up window and locked it. Other’s just ignored the fact that my coworker’s life was being threatened and that a very large hillbilly was on his way to harm her.

Instantly I remembered the sledgehammer in the shop that the guys used when unloading equipment from the tractor trailer’s. The cops were on the way so more than likely I wouldn’t have to use it but just in case…. I grabbed it and headed to the front glass doors of our office building. No cops, no large fucked up hillbilly yet…..

Morgan came out of the bathroom still crying with tissue and looked shocked that I was leaning against the front glass door with a sledgehammer.

“Are you fucking insane? He will hurt you Lennon.”

I didn’t make eye contact with her. I just stared at the parking lot waiting for his arrival. Before I could answer her I saw his jacked up Ford F-150 with it’s huge confederate flag whipping in the wind pull in on two wheels, rubber squealing as he hit the curb.

His eyes were on the console compartment digging for something as I instantaneously opened the door with the sledgehammer in hand and briskly walked towards his truck. The windows were down as I approached the truck quickly drawing back the sledgehammer in the air just like it was a baseball bat. As I swung at the right headlight hearing it break I screamed “Step out of that fucking truck, I dare you. The cops are on the way, I’ll do whatever it takes to protect her!”

He got out of that truck even though I warned him….

He grabbed me by my neck before I could swing and pushed me against the truck. I could feel my face flush with redness and although I was breathing, it felt as if the air was fading fast.

I had to think fast, “knee his dick Lennon, use your fucking knee!”

I raised my knee and gave him a swift hit. He gasped and gave a half ass bitch cry and went face down. I could hear sirens but I raised the sledgehammer again and hit his lower back as hard as I could.

As I dropped the sledgehammer I said “You’re so fucking pathetic. You feel like a big man now? A woman just laid you out. You’re going to jail now and I hope they bend you over and shove a broomstick up your fat ass.”

The cops arrived and cuffed Warren while he was lying face down. Since it was safe to come out of the office, the troops, “Ahem“, I mean “the guys” came out along with Morgan. Everyone gave their statements including Warren. Pictures were taken of the obvious broken headlight and of the markings on my neck. Two days later, Warren was released on bond. Yes, Morgan got the money together and got him out.

Clearly I was shocked and upset. I also got reprimanded at work for “getting involved”. I found another job within a few days and said goodbye and told “the guys” that I had bigger balls than they ever would and walked out. I’ve never spoken to Morgan again. I hope she’s alive and has found a better life for her and her children without living in fear.

Do I regret “getting involved”? Not at all. I would do it all over again. Pieces of shit like Warren need to learn a lesson. Just not sure if he learned anything.