Men at work…. No, NOT the amazing band.
I’m talking about the five men I share an office with. Granted, it’s a large room. But they’re still trying to talk to me. If you’ve read my previous post….. https://lennonliberated.com/2020/02/14/incomplete/ you know that these men annoy, disrupt and badger the fuck out of me.
Let me introduce you to them. Keep in mind these names are fictional as I can’t afford to share their identity for obvious reasons….
Doug / Characterization: Pasty white, irish, geeky, weed smoker, thinks he can sing yet a brilliant mind that knows numbers. Obsessed with roosters and chickens. Brings baby chicks to work in a box with a heat lamp, food and water and sells them from his desk to co-workers often. Paces with a baby chick in his arms while crunching loudly on whatever he can put in his mouth and doesn’t wash his hands.
Jazzy / Characterization: A husky ginger that lives for sports, soda, junk food, has OCD issues, thinks he knows everything, I mean ERRR-THANG. Noses around everyone’s desks and then tells us how to organize our desks although his desk looks like a hoarder’s haven.
Heart / Characterization: Short, muscular, Ex-Marine, drives giant truck, constantly reminds us all that he makes the big bucks, can’t understand basic math. Ego the size of Alaska.
Reptile / Characterization: Ex-Cop, parks sideways because he still likes to show authority, flashes the old badge every now and then assuming he has jurisdiction in the office. Cannot hear well. Shuffles around mumbling to himself like Ozzy Osbourne.
SS / Characterization: Has only been here two weeks and is besties with Doug. He is the clone of said Doug. Very opinionated, talks nonstop, constantly judging our selection of music. Wiseass.
So there you have it. It’s A LOT isn’t it?
Now it wouldn’t be fair for me to go over what aggravates me about them without telling you about my imperfect characterizations now would it?
- Resting bitch face
- Looks to be dead inside
- One day a week forces everyone to listen to Taylor Swift or Billie Eilish for 7 hours
- When I’m not quiet talks about cats
Much obliged for anyone getting through this rant by the way. XO