My Introduction To The Kickstand

I’m talking about my first siting of a cock…..

I know. This probably isn’t what you wanted to read first thing on a Sunday morning while drinking your coffee on the veranda. I just wanted to make sure the first line was self explanatory so that you could exit out of this and move on to something more suiting for your mood?

Simma the fuck down…..this is actually a pretty funny story so if you’re still with me?

It was 1989 and I was the only 17 year old on earth that was still a virgin (in my eyes). Bet you didn’t see that coming did you? Most people that know me are always shocked that I waited until it was right. That’s a story in itself. And Yes, I was a good girl once. Ha.

Anyway, I was working at a collection agency after school from 3 pm – 10 pm. This particular night I was alone locked in the office. I can remember it was October and a perfect fall evening. At my desk it faced a window which was slightly open so that I could listen to the crispy leaves rustling around outside. There’s no love like my love for fall.

As I dialed number by number hoping to reach a past due client it was dark outside. I couldn’t see the leaves whirling around under the magnolia tree. Occasionally I would see headlights…..It couldn’t hear the leaves rustling. There was an eerie calming quietness as I listened to the constant ring every few seconds on the line.

Another person not home, great. I hung the phone up frustrated because I had a goal to reach by Friday. Deep in my thoughts and debating who to call next I heard a bizarre sound.

Thump….Thump….it continued. Where was it coming from? It was close. Thump….Thump….now heavy breathing….

What the fuck is it?

I was so close and is it coming from the window that I’m facing only 30″ away? I leaned forward to look out the window.


There it was. A huge PENIS….DICK….COCK….DISCO STICK…..KICKSTAND….ROD beating off on the screen to my open window right in my fucking face!

I let out the loudest fucking scream ever. You would’ve thought Freddy Krueger was chasing me with his sharp death grip fingers the way I screamed. I jumped out of my office chair and immediately called 911. He continued to beat off panting and making the most disgusting groaning noises as I was trying to explain to the 911 operator the seriousness of what was happening she began laughing hysterically but in between choking with laughter she assured me “The police are on the way Darlin'” in her deep southern raspy smoker’s voice. I hung up the phone and then grabbed the umbrella leaning against the coat rack and charged out the front door to beat the living fuck out of him but all I saw was the back end of his trench coat flapping in the wind as he ran towards the highway.

“Yeah that’s right Mother Fucker, you better run!!!”

As the cops pulled up my adrenaline was racing. My breathing was fast and deep as I couldn’t speak I just kept pointing in the direction he ran off in…..they kept asking me what happened and as I finally calmed myself and my breathing was under control I explained and of course they doubled over laughing at my horrid discovery of this sick fuck beating off to my face in the open window.

They didn’t catch him of course. They were too busy trying to regain their composure after the laugh fest they had over my fuck storm.

So, there you are. This was how I was introduced to a cock for the first time. Not necessarily the plan I had but now looking back….It’s a hilarious story don’t you think?

Published by lennonliberated

The "About" me section is the first thing I look for when a blog catches my eye when scrolling through the discovery section of WP. Yet, it scares the living fuck out of me to have to sum up in detail this section of my very own blog. Why? Because whatever I write, you might be hooked or bored to tears. Actually, you're probably already bored to tears by now. So let me get to it then..... By the way, I used to have a blog called Fabulous With Glitches so some of this might sound familiar. Friends might describe me as the life of the party yet secretive. I tend to keep things inside that trouble me. I've been self-reliant all of my life and I don't like to show weakness or that something worries me. Holding back has led me to seek refuge here. I can write out my thoughts and feelings so that it frees up my mind. It seems like my mind is open 24/7 like a gas station and just never turns off the open sign. I grew up in the south and come from the typical opinionated southern christian parents. Well, they're very involved now in church. Growing up, my parents weren't necessarily "present" in my life. They were around and did the best they could I suppose. I'm grateful for everything they have contributed in my life. I know that it could've been much worse. As they say, I wouldn't be who I am if I didn't grow up the way that I did. Gritty is a good word to describe me as well. I've had to speak up and defend myself throughout my life. I'm confident and a bit headstrong. I have two cats and I adore them needless to say. Their names are Franklin and Farrah. Yes, I consider myself a crazy cat lady, what's it to ya? You will see pictures of them throughout my blog I'm sure :) Welcome and thank you so much for stopping by and peaking into my safe place full of random thoughts. XO

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